


Kind of Amazing

by justafan (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Plot Twists, Porn With Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-26
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-18 21:11:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/justafan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been ten years since Jensen met Jared. They went from strangers to costars to bestfriends to roomates. They journeyed from relationships to single back to relationships to marriage and to being fathers... and they did it together. So even after all these years there are some things that Jensen just can't let go of. He's not quite sure of the problem but given some alcohol I'm sure he'll figure it out. Will they get together, stay together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the first chapter is weak... it gets better. Promise =)

“HELL YEAH” Jared yells, as he slams the bottle down and throws his fists in the air. “I’m better without that bitch!” He was on his second fifth of Jack.   
Jensen watched him with a smile. He knew he was full of crap. He knew in about an hour Jared would be to the depressed state of drunk, and he would be missing Sandy. She’d be all he could think about, but not right now. Right now, all Jared was thinking about… was Jensen.   
“You’re like the best friend everrrrrr. You know that? I don’t think you know that. I mean how did this happen to us? How did our lives end up like this? Like, last year I didn’t even know you and now… and now.. you’re like… the best. Friend. Ever.” Jared leaned his head playfully on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen couldn’t help but smile. Jared caught his eye. He had been reading Jensen’s expression, so he turned his head and wiped off the smile. The hard act was interrupted by Jared giving a cool blow to his ear. When Jensen swatted at him, Jared reacted by giggling and put his forehead on the counter. “You’re cute when you give me that drunk face, you look like a six year old.” Jensen stood up, ignoring the comment.   
“DUDE! You’re drinking like a puss! Catch up.” Jared was focused again.   
“I’m workin’ on it, you’re drinkin like a dehydrated fish” Jensen retaliated. Reluctantly he took a shot, and ‘chased’ it with his coors. But really he just spit it into his beer bottle. He liked to drink, but not when Jared was also this drunk. He knew it’d just make him start thinking about things that he didn’t want to think about. It’d make him want to do things that even he didn’t understand why he’d urge to do. Jensen walked to put his glass in the sink, turning his back to Jared.   
“What the fuck are you doin man? You can’t quit on me now!”   
“If I keep going I’ll get sick. Come smoke with me then I’ll drink some more.” Jensen reasoned with him.  
Jared stood from his stool, huffing from aggravation and stumbling from the alcohol.   
“Man, I thought you were gonna help me through this tonight” Jared said softly. Jensen turned to face him. He didn’t really know what to say.  
“I am… I will. I mean, I’m just... in a weird mood.” Jensen told him. “Just come smoke with me, and I’ll liven up.”  
Jared mumbled a ‘whatever’ under his breath, but when Jensen looked up he only saw the screen door closing. So, Jensen followed. Jared was sitting in the grass right outside the front door. He was leaning his back against the column of the porch. Jensen saw his feet stretched out and followed his long legs up to his torso and to his face which was dimly lit by the phone in his hand. Shit, Jensen thought. Here we go.   
“Why would she leave me man?” Jared asked. Jensen was quiet. “Seriously, I mean, am I that bad?”  
“What? No, she just wanted different things than you did.” Jensen replied. Jared was staring at his screensaver which was still a picture of him and Sandy. “For real, if you want to be married and have kids, why would you want to be with a girl who doesn’t? You were just wasting your time.”   
“Maybe, but I’d probably give up wanting kids, as long as I had her.” Jared said.   
“You shouldn’t have to change what you want, to fit with what someone else wants though”   
“What if she does want a husband, and kids? What if she just doesn’t want them with me?” Jared still argued. Jensen was in a bind. He needed to get through to him. He needed Jared to be happy, and to stop downing himself. He needed to tell him something, but it couldn’t be too much.   
“But you’re awesome. You treated her better than she deserved. You listened when she needed to be heard, you cared even when she didn’t. You’re goofy, but you’re smart. You’re a sarcastic asshole, and the sweetest person on the planet at the same time… man…” Jared was still looking at his phone. Jensen put his hand over the screen, and Jared made eye contact. “Look at yourself, you’re amazing. Why would anyone not want to be with you?” Jensen left his hand on the phone for a second and Jared didn’t move his gaze. Jared was searching in Jensen’s eyes. Jensen got a little lost. Lost in the way the green faded to brown, and the way there were yellow lines throughout. They were kind of hazel. Or green. Maybe brown? They were unique to Jared, and they sparkled with wonder. Jensen didn’t know what Jared was looking for but before Jared could speak Jensen was standing and on his way back into the house.   
Jared decided that was enough alcohol. He took a few minutes to compose himself. He felt confused but he wasn’t even sure what about. He went to the gallery in his phone clicked on the photo of him and sandy, then hover his thumb over the delete button. He took a breath, Jensen’s eyes flashed into his mind as he pressed delete. His screensaver went back to default, and he went into the house. As he opened the door he seen Jensen turning on the xbox. Well alright then. Let’s get over this chick flick. Jared grabbed a second controller and flopped on the couch, propping his feet on the table.  
“I’m sorry if I’m not helping. I can leave if you want” Jensen offered.   
“Don’t” Jared replied too quickly and Jensen looked at him. “I mean, it’s actually kind of better when you’re here. I get my best friend and less time alone.” He clarified. Jensen raised his chin as if to say ‘oh, okay’ “Like, you really don’t have to leave, like, ever. Sandy’s not here anymore and you’re looking for a place… it could work if it’s something you wanted to do.” Jared offered without thinking.   
Did he just ask me to move in? Jensen thought. I think he did. Wouldn’t people think that was weird? Oh God, I can’t watch him be single and bring in random chicks. Before he could finish thinking or reasoning he heard himself say, “Seems like a plan.” Oh fuck. He cleared his throat. “If you’re sure” Jensen said.  
“You’re sort of amazing too.” Was Jared’s reply. Jensen looked at the controller, then at the menu screen waiting to be played. What the hell am I supposed to make of that? Did that mean anything else? And by the way, does Jared realize his knee is against my thigh? Jesus, is it hot in here?   
Jensen sprung up off the couch. “Cool then. Hey, I don’t really feel like playin’ this. I’m gonna hit the sack. You okay?”  
Jared sullenly nodded. He kind of looked deflated. Or does he? Why would he be upset? Jensen felt guilty but he couldn’t deal with this anymore. Either the alcohol, or Jared, or drunken half confessions were getting to him. Or that he just agreed to platonically move in with a guy that he may or may not be feel faggish for. Is there an ish degree of gay? Hell, I need sleep. Jensen climbed into Jared’s bed, where he always slept when he stayed over. At first it was weird but hey, they played brothers on TV, they’re best friends in real life. It isn’t necessary for anyone to sleep on the hard ass couch. They even had separate covers. He pulled his up around his neck and nuzzled his head to the pillow. The last thing he remembered was the way Jared’s eyes had searched his. What had he been looking for? Maybe he wasn’t looking for anything, maybe it was just a drunken stare, or maybe he was contemplating biting my nose, mid sappy moment because that’s totally something that he’d do.   
Jensen woke to a cough. It wasn’t his own cough. It was coming from the chest of the person he was laying on. Jared. When did he come to bed? HOLY HELL WHAT AM I DOING! He flung himself over and off of Jared so fast that he hit the floor. He just laid there for a minute. What was I doing? Is he awake? Maybe he coughed to get me off of him. Wait, was he under my cover? What the hell just happened? His heart rate slowed and his breathing steadied. He wondered if he should get back in bed. He stood up, looked at sleeping Jared who was definitely not using his own cover, and decided he was awake for the day. He played Xbox for a while, before making breakfast. Jared woke to the sound of pots clanging, he got up and ate breakfast quietly with Jensen before heading to set. That’s where they returned to normal. No mention of Sandy, or the night before. Not of the ‘cuddle’ or the moving in. Jared had left set early because Sam was done, but Dean had some scenes left so Jensen stayed. When his long day was finally over he grabbed his coat before walking into the chilly Vancouver air. He felt something in his pocket and when he checked, Jared had slipped a key in at some point. Alright then. At least that part was clear.   
Jensen replayed this night over and over in his head. It was almost ten years ago and he still can’t let it go. He just can’t grasp the way their lives changed. They went from strangers to single, best friend, roommates, stars, to husbands to fathers. How did that happen? And how come although it did happen, why can he not get that night from so long ago out of his head. And more importantly, why is he more excited about tonight’s boys night than he was for his own wedding? One thing he does know is that he’s got alcohol and he’s definitely going to drink it.


	2. "Who needs oxygen when there's Jared?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's on set waiting for some guests and Misha to film. He's tired and only has a few hours until his kid and wife-free night with Jared begins. Jensen realizes what he's confused about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, more of an addition to the first. It's sort of risqué so if you don't like then don't read. Have a lovely day my SPN Family! :)

Jensen squeezed the firm, warm flesh of Jared's ass in his hands. He felt the walls shake when he slammed his friends large frame against them. Jared may be taller, but Jensen was definitely stouter, and that was certainly an advantage. Jensen always gets caught up in analyzing things. He wonders why, how, what, the cause, the effect, and any other tactics of analyzing, he is sure to use them. But, not this time. One minute he was sitting in his director style chair with his head propped on his fist and the next minute Jared walked by. Jensen had thought Jared had the day off, but apparently not. It wasn't extremely out of the ordinary for one of them to be on set when they weren't scheduled to work, so it didn't particularly surprise Jensen to see him. Which is why, when Jared tilted his head down to say 'hey' as he walked by his long time, straight, and married friend, it was extremely surprising when Jensen reacted by tackling him then kneading his ass as he pressed him against the wall. Jensen didn't know why Jared was there, why he was reacting so carelessly, he hadn't even realized the thought to publicly and sexually harass his friend had popped in his head. But his other head seemed to know all about it. He felt the warm throb against the denim of his jeans as he pressed himself into Jared's pelvis. This would've been the time where he expected to receive a brisk, hard fist to the face, and to never see his best friend again. In the same instant Jensen expected the punch, he felt the rough smack of bone against his face. Unless Jared's fist grew stubble, it felt an awful lot like Jared's face. He felt Jared's chin stubble against his own for a split second before their lips were together. Jared's bottom lip in between both of Jensen's and then warm, wet sensation of a foreign tongue exploring his own. Which seems sweet and sincere, but this wasn't. This was the kind of kiss that said 'I'm going to fuck you until your hip is broken.' Jensen didn't know what to think. Which is the beauty of this situation. He didn't have to think. He could just feel what he'd apparently always wanted to feel. He could act without thinking about who he was, what he wanted, or the consequences. He could just be in this moment where nothing matters except how great it feels for Jared to be reciprocating the pressure and rhythm of the way Jensen was grinding into his crotch. The pace quickened and Jensen felt the slip of a hand beneath the waistband of his pants. His heart was pounding, his breath had been gone for a while. Who needs oxygen when you have Jared? A bell brought him out of the situation. "THATS A WRAP!" It was the end of whatever scene the guest stars were filming with Misha. Jensen was suddenly made aware when Jared's rhythm stopped and he moved his hands to the sides of Jensen's shoulders. He was insecure and confused. Why had Jared stopped, did someone see them? Jared shakes him. What the hell for, who knew. It wasn't exactly mean, definitely not sexy, just weird. What was Jared doing? He shook him to the point that Jensen's chin slapped his own chest and his teeth jolted together. Jensen looked up. "You're gonna get your ass chewed for sleeping on set, wake up!" Jared was face to face with him, hands firmly around Jensen's biceps.. shaking them. Seriously, that was a dream? "I'm awake" Jensen grumbled, his voice thick with sleep. Jensen thought about his dream. And damn he was awake in a lot more ways than one.  
Jared moved from the front of Jensen to the coat rack. He lifted his hoodie as he picked up his keys. He turned back to face Jensen. "Hey, so, guys night? You coming or are you planning on spending it in that chair" Jared asked completely oblivious. Jensen smirked and shifted to get out of the chair. He instantly became painfully aware of how much he'd liked that dream and tried to hide his excitement by flipping the pages of a script backwards, over the bulge in his jeans. "Give me a sec to... look over this real quick." Jensen replied, pretending to search the pages.  
"Jensen, I love you, but you're an idiot. That's a season 7 scrapped script.. it's there to be used as scribble paper." Jared said as if to a child. Jensen thought quickly.  
"I know, I just thought I saw something that we shouldn't have scrapped. Maybe we should revamp it."  
"What, like the Sam and Dean subtext scenes: there ain't no me if there aint no you!" Jared mocked. It was a joke. Jensen knew that. And even he hated the way the writers played off the wincest subtext, but it still oddly struck a nerve. The happy in his pants was gone at that moment, and Jensen wadded the papers.  
"Bitch, you wish. Let's just go." They walked out the door and were on their way to the sports bar.


	3. Dream of a Bed of Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'While we're talking about all the things that I long to believe. About love, the truth, and what you mean to me. Baby the truth is, you're all that I need... Well I'm so far away each step that I take's on my way home.' - Bon Jovi

The lights were dim except for a few rays of neon, and the second hand smoke was filling his lungs before the front door was completely shut behind him. Damn it’s been a while. This felt like he was stepping into a memory. Sort of familiar but still strange. He seen the flashlight on a phone shining at his face accompanied by something that sounded like his name. It was hard to tell with as loud as this place was. He followed it assuming it would be Misha and Stephen waiting to meet up. He was right. They already had a table. It was littered with an empty pitcher, a full one, and a few shot glasses. Misha raised his arm up as he scooted over making a seat for him then rested his arm across Jensen’s shoulders. He looked at Stephen sitting across from him, kicked back with a cup of beer in hand.  
“God, did you guys have to film the rest of the season? What the hell took so long?” Steve complained.   
Jensen sneered. He didn’t really dislike Steve, but he didn’t particularly like him either. He was just Jared’s friend so they had to deal with each other. 

“We did. We thought it’d be better just Sam and Dean with no Cas or extras.” He remarked sarcastically.

“I wouldn’t doubt it” Stephen mumbled.

“What?” Jensen had heard what he said, he just wanted to see if Stephen had the balls to repeat it. Before he could reply Jared made his way to the table so, they let the ruffled feathers fall. Jared had his own usual Jack with coke, and a Coors and shot for Jensen. He sat them on the table and as he sat down he smiled.

“Holy hell I missed this!” he exclaimed. Stephen smiled and Misha said, “I think we all did.”

“So what’s the score?” Jared asked. Jensen knew damn well that Misha wouldn’t have been paying attention, but Stephen replied, “18-4 we’re up.” 

“Of course we are!” Jared raised his drink in the air a brief second before he gulped half of it in one shot. Jensen secretly has never cared for sports but he didn’t let Jared know that. He loved watching how excited he got over something so silly. 

“So Jensen, how’d you manage to get Daneel to let you off the leash tonight?” Misha asked him, glancing sideways at him.

“Ahh, I just told her I need some time.”

“Ooooh” Misha and Stephen said in unison. 

“No, not like that. I just told her I needed out for a minute.” Jensen tried to reason.

“Dude, that’s definitely not better” Jared said.

“Well, she didn’t really say much…” Jensen looked at his hand holding onto his beer. His wife knew where he was and who he was with, and she didn’t care. It’s not like he was doing anything wrong. Daneel used to question why he and Jared were always together but eventually she quit. She reached the point a long time ago that she saw keeping her husband to herself as an impossible and moot task. The rest of the guys let it go, but their silence held all kinds of insinuations. Like they were saying, aww you’re gonna be in trouble. Misha lifted his hand that was already on Jensen’s shoulder and patted. “She’ll get over it.” He reassured, which wasn’t necessary since she didn’t have anything to get over. The conversation went quiet and Jensen realized what song was playing. 

'Tonight I won't be alone  
But you know that don't mean I'm not lonely  
I've got nothing to prove for it's you that I'd die to defend'

It was the end of Bon Jovi’s Bed of Roses. He listened for a second before he said, “I thought this was supposed to be exciting.”

“Well we’ve been having fun, you’re late” Stephen snared.

“Is there anything you don’t want to bitch about?” Jensen was having a really hard time biting his tongue. 

“Hey, hey, now. There’s plenty of fun to still be had. Let’s not be gettin’ our panties in a wad.” Jared cut Stephen off but Jensen could see him literally biting his lip. His fist was tight, white knuckling his bottle. But his demeanor changed. He quickly relaxed as he put a hand on Jared’s chest. 

“No panty problems here” Stephen told him. He left his hand on Jared’s chest for just a second longer than what was natural. Just as Jared was about to look down at it, Stephen let it fall then glanced up with a smirk to Jensen. Ok. Now he definitely disliked him. 

“Pool?” Misha asked, looking at Jared. Sensing the obvious tension between Steve and Jensen. 

“Sounds good, Jen you in?” Jared looked at him, half concerned half annoyed.

“Why not” Jensen put his hands up in surrender. 

“What I’m not invited?” Stephen kiddingly asked Jared then stole a glance at Jensen again.

“Well yeah but you two behave or I’ll kick both your asses.” Jared and Jensen stood letting Misha and Stephen scoot out. 

“Shit, you can try.” Stephen always has to have the last word. Jared and Misha walked towards the pool tables and just as Steve was about to fall in line Jensen stepped in front of him cutting him off. He didn’t say a word but the gesture was certainly noticed. Stephen decided against saying anything and quietly followed his group. They were playing teams, Misha and Stephen against Jared and Jensen. Misha broke then it was Jared’s turn. Jensen propped himself up, a pool stick in one hand, his second Coors in the other and leaned against the wall. He knew it was a cliché but he couldn’t help himself watching Jared. When he was trying to find his move, the man had no choice but to be bent over and wiggling his hips slightly to get the right stance. Oh, what he’d give to just walk up behind him, put a hand on either side of his friends hips and press in, just a little. Just enough to feel Jared’s strong stature beneath him. A clank, broke his thought. It was Steve setting his own beer on the pool table. Jensen was the only one who was caught off guard by the sound and when he met Stephen’s eyes he knew that’s exactly what Stephen had intended. He had been watching Jared too. I don’t think in the same way that Jensen was. It was more like he was watching Jensen… watch Jared. Jensen leaned up grabbed the chalk cube. Tonight definitely wasn’t going as planned. He wasn’t completely sure what he’d expected. It’s not like they could ever go on a date, Jared could never know how twisted his best friends mind was. He couldn’t know that it was taking every ounce of restraint in his body, to not grab his legs out from under him and throw him back against that pool table in front of the whole bar. He’d give anything to grab a hand full of that wavy brown hair and pull his best friends face into his own. But he couldn’t. Not here, not now. Not ever. 

“Your turn dipshit” Stephen said to him.

“Seriously dude! What the fuck is your problem!?” Jensen threw his arms out and took a step towards Stephen. Jared was immediately between them, facing Jensen. 

“I told you guys to cut the crap!” He reminded Jensen. Stephen took a step to come around Jared, so Jensen matched it.   
“Calm the fuck down!” Jared raised his voice turning his head sideways to direct it at Stephen. Steve stopped dead in his tracks. Jensen could see the wheels turning in Steve’s head and he noticed the corner of his mouth turn up into the slightest smirk although his eyes were dark. He shrugged his shoulders and took a step back. He raised his hands a little to talk with them.

“I’m sorry. Look, I guess I’m just a little… homophobic… I don’t mean to be.” Stephen said homophobic in a way that said ‘I hope your life goes to hell and it’s never the same again you fucker.’ Jensen’s face was hot. He could feel the blood coming up his neck. His chest was getting full and tight. He had a million things to say to Stephen but no words seemed strong enough to say, ‘go fuck yourself.’ So instead of finding words, he took the half step around Jared, before he could intervene. He closed the distance between Stephen and himself with a hard fist to the face. Stephen was doubled over in pain with a hand covering the side of his face, but he didn’t come back at Jensen. By this time Jared had Jensen backed up against a wall fifteen feet from where Stephen had been. Jared was pissed. Jensen could see it in his red cheeks, and small pupils. He could tell by the quivering clinched jaw that Jared had no words for him either. But, in addition to the anger he seen something else. It took Jensen a minute to realize where he’d seen that look on Jared’s face before. It was the look from that night he couldn’t forget. That night when Jared had been upset about ol’ whats her name, and he was outside staring at his phone. That night when Jensen had told Jared that he was amazing in every way possible, Jared had just stared up into Jensen’s eyes. At the time Jensen thought Jared had been searching for something but over the years Jensen had assumed it was just a drunk stare. But not now. He knew now that Jared was definitely looking for the answer to a question that neither of them could form. Jared barely opened his mouth with words on the edge of them. His expression fell from rage to …disappointment, maybe? Something sad, anyway, he just barely shook his head and walked back to check on Stephen. Jensen slid down the wall he had been backed against. He stared at the air in front of him as he laid his head back. He closed his eyes, feeling guilty for ruining their night, and upsetting Jared. He wondered what that look was about that Jared gave him. He felt a presence close to him, he opened his eyes to see Misha staring down at him. 

“You ok?” Misha asked as he sat on the bench less than six inches from where Jensen was on the floor. 

“Yeah. I’m not the one that got laid out.” Jensen replied without reading into it. 

“That’s not what I meant” Misha said quietly, almost to himself. Jensen heard it despite the noise of the bar. 

“Well then what do you mean?” Jensen asked, immediately defensive. 

“You’re always a little weird when you two drink together. But, its worse tonight. And Steve’s a dick sometimes but you’ve been pushing him since the minute you walked in the door.”  
Jensen thought for a minute. He was forming the sentence to tell Misha that he was an actor, not a therapist, and he needs to stick to it. He was going to say, ‘mind your own fucking business and leave me the hell alone’ but Misha put hand on his back and Jensen met his eyes. He could tell that his friend wasn’t being an ass. He was genuinely concerned, and he was trying to help. Misha wasn’t the guy Jensen liked hanging out with, but he was a guy that he liked to talk to. He felt comfortable around him. And safe. That was saying a lot for Jensen. Jensen didn’t realize how much tension he had been holding until the moment when he deflated. 

“I don’t know man, I have no idea what’s wrong with me.” Jensen admitted. “I’ve got a good life, one that people would dream of having. I love my job, and I have some good friends. Daneel is an amazing woman. I’m lucky to have her. I’m a father, I love my little JJ more than life itself. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. God, I feel guilty for saying this, but man I’m miserable. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Jensen hadn’t really expected all that to come out. He actually hadn’t really known he was miserable. But since that’s the word he said, he thought about it and it seemed to fit pretty well. He fidgeted with his fingernails, and noticed his hand was sore. Wow, he must’ve hit him hard. He waited for Misha to say something. When he didn’t he looked up at him. Misha seemed deep in thought. 

“What? Tell me what you’re thinking.” Jensen pleaded. Misha was quiet another few seconds before he answered.

“Tell me the truth about something.” He said. “I’m not judging, I’m trying to figure this out.” Jensen just nodded.

“Is there anything to that homophobic remark Steve made?” Misha asked, making eye contact the first time in a while. Jensen didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t think so. He doesn’t like men. He loves women. Women with long hair, a small waist, soft hairless skin, a butt was good but boobs were the best. He didn’t like men. They were large and bulky. Muscles and jawlines weren’t his thing. Never once in his life had he looked at man with lust. He wasn’t attracted to ‘men’, he was attracted to Jared. So was it fair to say he was ‘gay?’ Jensen didn’t know where to start with a response, but I guess the silence was enough for Misha to assume one close enough to correct.

“You know, it’s okay right?” Misha said. “You don’t have to hide, and feel guilty. Or, pretend you’re someone you’re not.”

“How is any of this ok?” Jensen asked. “I love my wife. And my kid. And my life, I’m not pretending anything.”

“Maybe you do love her, I’m not saying you don’t. But, what I am saying is that just because you love her doesn’t take away from the fact that you also love him.” Misha said it. It was half a question, and half a statement. But Jensen remained silent and it was confirmed.

“You two will work this out, you’ll get through it and it’ll be ok.” Misha told him.

“No!” Jensen raised his voice. “We’re not ‘getting through’ anything. There’s nothing to ‘get through.’ I’ll apologize for hitting Stephen, and that’s that. He’ll get over it. And we’re normal. We are not ‘getting through’ anything else.” Jensen said firm and final. Misha pondered the conversation, stood and held his hands out for Jensen to grab. He did, and was lifted to his feet. Misha looked him eye to eye. When he did that, all of the confidence Jensen had a few seconds ago completely dwindled. He didn’t feel defensive any more. He felt open. And vulnerable. He felt insecure, and he searched Misha for answers. Misha thought for a minute before he broke their eye contact by leaning in and wrapping his arms around Jensen’s shoulders. He held for a second and used one hand to pat his back before pulling away. He calmly and steadily said,  
“If you don’t get through this ‘misery,’ then you’ll never get anywhere else.” Misha smiled in a sweet way before walking out the door, probably heading home. Jensen gathered himself for a moment before deciding to go and find Jared.  
The bar door slammed behind him and his feet were on the gravel. His eyes searched the parking lot looking for Jared, the car, or hell even Steve. But, he didn’t see anyone familiar. He called Misha hoping he hadn’t gone too far yet.

“Hey, did you see where Jared went?” Jensen asked him.

“I think he was going to take Stephen home.” Misha answered. Jensen was quiet for a minute.

“Hey, Mish… hasn’t Stephen had some ‘gay’ roles before?”

“Uhh… maybe, I think so, but I’m not sure.” Misha said and Jensen didn’t reply.

“Jensen, you have to figure this out, its killing you. Just call him. Or, go over there. Just do something.”

“I guess, hey can you come back and get me… I don’t have cash for a cab.” Jensen asked him.

“Yeah give me a sec. and I’ll loop around.” 

“Thanks.” Jensen hang up the phone.  
They pulled into the lot of the familiar apartments. Jensen hadn’t been paying attention on the ride but he realized now where he was. Although it was familiar, it wasn’t his home. It was Jared’s. He gave Misha a questioning look and Misha smiled his warm smile. 

“Just go. You guys have known each other for too long, for anything to destroy what you've built.”

Jensen nodded and got out of the car. He walked up the cobblestone path and sat on the front porch of the home that used to be his too. His before Jared got with Genevieve, and Jensen felt intrusive and moved. He sat there picking at the leaves of the landscaping. He was glad their wives didn’t stay with them all the time when they were filming. His own emotions were hard enough to handle, he was glad he didn’t have to look at poor Genevieve. He had no idea what he was going to say to Jared. Or how he was going to say it. He thought about what Misha said. That if he didn’t get out of this misery then it’s where he’d always be. He knew it sounded obvious but for some reason it resonated. He sat there for what felt like a lifetime, but also not nearly long enough. Then he heard the sound of Jared’s SUV coming from a few blocks away. He felt like concrete stuck to that bench. He still didn’t know what he was going to say, but he knew he definitely about to say it. Jared pulled in the drive and shut off his lights. Jensen knew it was verging on 2 a.m. and that his presence would be unexpected. He waited to hear Jared’s car door shut, and the beep of the lock. Jensen stood and waited for his fate to hit the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone that knows they are friends with Arrows Stephen Amell: I love him and his show. I wouldn't imagine him being like this. I just wanted a familiar name but changed his actual character. So no slander intended.


	4. If You Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared was sure that Jensen didn't remember that night. There were so many signs showing that Jensen might reciprocate feelings for him. But he's ignored them all since then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NC-17, you've been warned.

Jared was fidgeting with his keys as he made his way up the sidewalk. He stopped dead when he noticed Jensen. He put his head down, suddenly the metal key ring was super interesting. He was just standing there. Jensen went blank.  He had absolutely no idea what to say. All he was sure of was that this had to be fixed. Jared moved his stare to the bushes by the bench. Jensen opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Jared noticed his friends’ wide eyes, there was panic on his face.  


"What do you want Jensen?" Jared was using a solemn tone.

"Uh.. I.." Jensen stuttered before taking a step toward Jared. "I just needed to say I'm sorry." He felt lost. "I don't know what happened, I'll apologize to Steve, I didn't mean to ruin this tonight... just tell me how to make it better" Jensen was pleading.

Jared let his head fall and he walked past Jensen without further acknowledgement. He put his key in the lock and turned it. Jensen stared blankly at the back of Jared’s head, hoping to God he would turn around. The door opened and Jared paused with his hand on the knob.  


"Just come in." He said and walked inside the house. Jensen sauntered in and closed the door behind him. Jared was already in the kitchen. He heard him set the keys on the counter and open the fridge. He heard him pull out a bar stool and take a seat at the island. He still hadn't said a word to Jensen but he assumed he should follow his friend. Jensen stood in the archway of the kitchen and Jared was sitting there texting. He slammed the phone down and turned it off.  


"Is something wrong?" Jensen asked, wondering if he should be speaking. Jared put his face in his hands and held it there for a second before moving his hands up, pushing his hair back then taking a needed chug of his beer.

"Gen says I'm ignoring her. I don't feel like dealing with this shit." He shook his head and had another drink. Jensen slowly made his way to the stool beside him and had a seat.

"Uhmm.. are you?" Jensen asked.

"No. I don't know. Maybe." He paused. "I'm just tired."

"Of what?"

"Everything." They were both silent.

"So, is Stephen OK?" Jensen didn't know if he should bring it up or not. Jared kind of giggled. It seemed sadistic and it caught Jensen off guard.

"Oh yeah he's fine. He seems to think you're a fag though." Jared's tone was full of mockery.

Jensen couldn't bring himself to look at Jared but he could feel his friends’ eyes on him. After what felt like forever there was a firm slap on Jensen's shoulder but the hand didn't move. Jared leaned down into Jensen's face where he had no choice but to make eye contact. He gazed into those green/hazel/brown/just Jared colored eyes. And Jared looked into his friends', bright green, filled with fear and shame. He looked into the eyes of the man who was his best friend. Although it was always assumed, they rarely actually used those words. Except for that one time years ago, he remembered the drunken ramble to Jensen about how far their lives had come and that he was the best friend ever. That night Jared had studied his face. He felt something and he wasn't even sure what the emotion was. He had looked into Jensen's eyes hoping that something would fall into place. Like solving a puzzle when he couldn't see the pieces. And then he figured it out. When Jensen had said "who wouldn't want to be with you" Jared realized what the feeling was. That's exactly what Jared had said numerous times to girls that would friend zone him. That statement means, "Can you not see that I want to be with you." There was so much just that one night that made Jared question things that he'd never imagined he'd ever question. Just when he was sure that Jensen felt the same way, Jared woke up to Jensen being so repulsed that he'd thrown himself onto the floor and then went to the couch. They never spoke of it, he was sure Jensen wouldn't even remember. Jared had learned to ignore all other signs that said maybe Jensen had 'feelings' for him. He ignored them all for the past ten years until two hours ago when after the fight, Stephen had said calmly to Jared that he's ignorant to think that the two of them are just friends. Jared was still looking down into Jensen's sparkling eyes that were growing anxious. And that's when it happened. Jensen stepped away. Jared turned his back to him, putting his hand over his face. There was a long minute of silence. Jared wondered if Jensen left but he wasn't turning to look. Jensen had panicked. After the snide 'fag' remark, and now this. That look Jared has given him twice in one night after ten years of not seeing it at all.

"Uhh... sorry. If I didn't know better I'd say you were about to kiss me…" Jensen said. And Jared did that sadistic giggle again.

"But you do know better, right?" Jared stated.  


"Well yeah" Jensen replied, confused.  


"You don't." He said.

And in an instant Jensen's air was gone. It had become Jared's air too. There was a hand on the small of his back and a hand on the back of his head. Both of them pulling him closer to Jared’s body that he was already snug against. Jensen didn’t react, he didn’t pull away but he didn’t move. He had no idea what was happening. Maybe he had passed out drunk at the bar and this was another dream. Maybe it was a cruel joke. He didn’t know and he couldn’t play into it. That is, until he felt the hand on his back move down and under his waist band. He felt Jared press into his mouth harder, like he was fighting for the kiss. He surrendered. Jensen moved his hands up into Jared’s hair and pulled him in. Jared broke from Jensen’s lips for a breath. He placed hungry nips from the corner of Jensen’s mouth to his ear, following his jawline. Jensen grabbed his face and pulled it back to meet his lips. Jared’s tongue was as far in his mouth as it could possibly go. He felt it playing off of his own, matching his motions. Jensen broke the kiss this time and moved from Jared’s lips down to his neck. He paused at the hollow of his throat and gave a gentle suck. At that moment Jared lifted underneath his thighs bringing his full weight off of the ground. Jensen held on tight around Jared’s neck and his feet were crossed behind Jared’s waist. Jensen seemed weightless to Jared, who was still forcing his needy lips to Jensen’s. Not that he minded. Jared turned and took two steps to set Jensen gently on the island, without breaking their contact. Jensen ran a hand down Jared’s toned abs to the bottom of his shirt. He lifted it up and for a split second Jared had to take his hands off of him to allow Jensen to slip off the shirt. Although it was just a fraction of a second, when his hands touched Jensen they made up for as if they’d been gone a lifetime. They were twice as furious as they were before. Running from his hair to his ass, and holding onto his jaw. Jared moved one hand down to unfasten Jensen’s belt. Before he could think about it he lifted his hips, and the pants were off. Jared moved his lips from Jensen’s, down to his neck. While his mouth was on his friends’ collar bone he used his hands to remove his shirt. He rubbed his hands down Jensen’s abdomen before putting them on either side of the back of his hips. He lifted up just enough to put Jensen at the right angle to get as far inside of him as he could. Jensen ran his fingers through his friends’ hair as his head lowered between his legs. Jensen’s feet were on the edge of the counter, with his knees bent in the air. He felt the hot breath on his cleft a second before the tongue on his hole. It ran around the outside before pressing in. Jensen’s feet clenched and his head fell back. He didn’t know how Jared knew how to do that, but damn he was good at it. He instinctively pushed Jared’s head in closer. His tongue slipped completely inside until he could feel Jared’s chin against him. He worked him open with his tongue before slipping in a finger. He pushed in and out as he swirled in furious circle motions. Jensen's cock was twitching against his own stomach when Jared stood up and pressed his lips back to Jensen’s. His breath was somehow hotter than before. This was everything that Jensen had ever wanted. Jensen clung onto Jared’s belt undoing it and pulling it off in one swift motion. While Jared was still kissing him Jensen reached a hand down to work Jared’s cock. He assumed Jared would be big, but holy shit. He started at the base and pulled out while twisting his wrist. He repeated the action a few times, every now and then running a thumb over Jared’s slit. Jared couldn’t help but moan into Jensen’s mouth, he did until he couldn’t handle it anymore. He slammed Jensen flat back onto the counter, leaving one hand on Jensen’s stomach and using the other to grasp his own penis. He held it to guide the tip around the outside of Jensen’s hole. Neither of them had said much since this whole thing happened, if you didn’t count the moans and panting. At this point Jensen managed to get out a simple ‘please’ and Jared did not need to be told twice. He pressed in at a steady pace until his hips were flat against Jensen’s ass. He held still for a long moment before he pulled completely out and thrust with all his strength back in. Jensen let out a loud groan and held onto the counter top as Jared ravaged him. He lifted his hips giving Jared even better access. Jared moved the hand from Jensen’s stomach down to his penis. He gave a hard squeeze at the base and pulled him fast. When he’d pull to the tip he’d roll the head in the palm of his hand then push back down. The precum was pooling on his hand. He continued in rhythm with his thrusts and he had Jensen on the brink. His spine was arched and his head was thrown back with his chin high in the air. It only took two more thrusts before they were both climaxing simultaneously. Jared lay his upper body completely onto Jensen’s. They lay there while their breathing steadied. Jensen absent mindedly running his fingers lazily through Jared’s hair that was stuck by sweat to his chest. There was a freak out coming but he didn’t have the energy to do it right now. Jared only laid there for a minute before he stood up and fastened his pants. Jensen felt empty and bare. Jared was gone, so, he stood up and gathered his clothes. He crept through the dark house, searching for Jared. When he finally found him he was in his own guest bedroom.

“What are you doing?” Jensen asked, not able to hide the shock.

“Ah, I’m gonna crash in here. If you stay feel free to take my bed.” Jared answered him.

He had said ‘If you stay.’ Not, I like it when you’re here, or please stay, or even, aren’t you gonna stay. He could accept that Jared didn’t say a word about feelings, but how can he be this immature. They’d slept in the same bed for years, but now that he has fucked him on the kitchen counter, that apparently meant literally sleeping in the same bedroom was too far. What the hell was going on? Jensen turned and walked out the door.

The cool air hit him hard. He hadn’t dressed for this. He had on his nice shoes that he’d worn to work. They definitely weren’t meant for a six mile walk. The thing about walking six miles alone at 4:30 a.m. in cold Vancouver air, is that it gives you plenty of time to think. They were supposed to be at the airport by 7 in the morning. Himself, Jared, Misha, Mark, and Osric had to be at a convention by noon in the US. They picked a hell of a time to have a breakthrough. Was he supposed to act like that didn’t happen? Jensen really thought he’d seen something that looked like love, or admiration in Jared’s eyes. Why did he react like that? After all, Jensen certainly wasn’t the one who initiated it. And God, what about Daneel? And Genevieve. They didn’t deserve this. Even if it was with a man whom he’d loved for the past ten years, it was still cheating. Jensen was a lot of things, but a cheater was one of them. He’d have to tell her; he didn’t have any other choice. By the time he got home he only had a half hour before he had to leave for the airport. He got in the shower, then called Misha to carpool to the airport. Maybe he’d shed some light on the situation. Jensen opened the car door and before he sat down Misha looked at him.

“You look like hell, Jensen.”

“Thanks” he replied.

“What happened last night?” Misha asked him, giving a concerned look. But, Jensen couldn’t answer. He had wanted to talk to Misha, but now that he was here he didn’t know what to say.

“I cheated on Daneel, that’s what happened.” Jensen answered. Misha didn’t reply for a few minutes.

“Are you ok?” Misha said quietly.

“No, man, I’m not ok. I don’t know what the hell I am. And Jared isn’t talking to me. I don’t know how the fuck we’re supposed to get through this panel today. The fans will notice, hell, they probably already know what happened. They seem to know everything. Mark and Osric will want to know why Jared isn’t speaking, I’m telling you about it. It’s going to be tense and awkward. I have no clue…” His sentence drifted off. He was lost in thought.

“We will make it through this Jensen. The fans won’t notice a thing. Mark and Osric aren’t as observant as you’re giving them credit for. You guys will get over this. It’ll be ok. At the end of today, I’ll tell you, ‘I told you so,’ and we’ll all move on.”

“Thanks for being optimistic, but I don’t believe you.” Jensen said. His phone was buzzing in his pocket he looked at the screen and his heart dropped. It was Daneel. He’d talk to her, but it couldn’t be right now. Misha still kept glancing at him to see if he was going to freak. The rest of the ride was quiet.

At the airport they were informed Jared was skipping the breakfast panel, so he could catch a later flight. Great.

\------------------************************************--------------------

He dealt with the fans alright. They were a nice distraction. Most of them were incredibly naïve and ‘fangirling’, but it was still a sweet gesture. At his solo panel he was more nervous than he’d ever been. He still hadn’t seen Jared since last night, but he was going to walk on stage in twenty minutes to join him. He answered some questions about the most recent episodes. The usual ones about pranks, and a few about Jared. Nothing major, so, no bumps yet. The hardest ones were the ones about his family. Someone asked what his little girl’s costume for Halloween would be, and Jensen was sad to say he wasn’t sure. Another fan asked what his favorite meal was that his wife cooks. Which made him feel bad, because she was always doing generous things for him. Jensen was signaled that his solo panel was over, and the joint one was starting. Jensen was sweating. His stomach was in his throat and his heart was racing. How was he supposed to hold this together? He needed Misha. The music was queued and Jared made his way to stage.


	5. He's Home

Jensen sat wide eyed staring at the side of the stage. He really hoped no one noticed his breathing. They'd probably call the medics for a panic attack if they had. And Jared was there. With his beanie, button down, and big smile. He half skipped onto stage with an arm in the air waving at fans. When he got to Jensen he grabbed his hand pulled one of their shoulders together and gave him a slap on the back. Was that a 'bro-hug? He gave me a fucking 'bro-hug' after last night?! Jensen thought. Jared took his seat and motioned for the audience to do the same. Jensen was sitting in shock. He hadn't known what to expect but it definitely wasn't this. Jared enthusiastically asked the fans how their day was so far, and apparently had asked Jensen the same. He was brought back to earth when he heard a fan say, "It was so good he's speechless!" Jensen felt his face get hot. And he nodded, "That's one theory" Jensen said like he was kidding, only Jared knew that he was being snarky. Jared gave him a small solemn look. It quickly changed when he turned to face the fans and get on with the panel. The questions were typical, pretty much a repeat of what his solo panel had been. Jensen didn't say much. When he would take a question he would nod his head after he listened then would look at Jared, signalling him to answer it. Jensen could feel the air between them. It felt like a wall. A wall that would shock him if he leaned closer to it. He noticed every time Jared's hand would come into his space. He had so much and nothing on his mind at the same time. He didn't know how that was possible but that's the only way he can describe it. Jensen had only a few minutes left before he'd leave and Jared would continue with a solo panel. "I hate to cut you guys a little short, but I've got to get to my signing a little early. Sorry, but you guys were great! Have fun!" He turned and walked away from stage and Jared without another word. The fans probably knew that he didn't have a signing for another few hours, but he didn't care. He had to get out of there and away from him. He went to his makeshift dressing room, and gripped the sides of the vanity counter. He stared at the drain. He felt the heat rise from his back up to his shoulders. He could feel his chest tighten, and his breathing quicken. His heart was still in his stomach, which made him feel like he was going to vomit. His hands started to hurt from the grip he was holding. His whole body was shaking. He slowly lifted his head to look in the mirror for a brief second. He noticed his bloodshot eyes, and he felt hot tears on his face. He lost it. Before his hand had consulted with his brain, it was through the mirror. He was aggravated at himself for the bloody hand, and broken mirror. Out of frustration he kicked the cabinet that was holding the sink, so hard that the doors splintered and broke in. He turned his back to the shattered mirror, and leaned against the sink. He was facing the entertainment center. It had all of these pretty little happy knick knacks lining it. Nothing deserved to be that happy. In a quick, thoughtless motion he slid his hand from one end of the stand to the other, knocking all of the cute little glass figurines across the room, sending them crashing to the floor in pieces. He looked at the mess around him, then at his hand gaping open. He decided it'd be best to sit down. He fell to the floor and put his forehead against his knees. That's where he stayed. His phone vibrated, 'Daneel' it said. He picked up, but didn't say anything. He couldn't. His chest was too tight. He didn't have enough oxygen to let words out.  
"Hello? Jensen?" She questioned, sounding concerned with an edge of anger.  
"Jensen!" She said again. He needed to say something but his brain or lungs one wouldn't let him.  
"Jensen, I'm your wife you have to talk to me!" She pleaded.  
"I don't deserve for you to be my wife." Jensen said, almost inaudibly.  
"What? Why is that?"  
"I just don't ok! I love you but this has to be over." Jensen hung up the phone and put his forehead against his knees. It wasn't ten seconds before the phone rang again. He picked up.  
"If you think I'm throwing away the last 7 years of my life without an explanation, then you're wrong! Now swallow your pride and tell me what's wrong." The last part she said softer, but still demanding. Jensen didn't answer.  
"Now, Jen." She commanded.  
"I slept with Jared, OK! Are you happy? Doesn't it make you feel better to know that I cheated on you! With a man for Christs sake!" Jensen yelled it. He didn't know where that much energy had come from. Daneel was silent and Jensen hang up. Again. This time the phone didn't ring immediately. Jensen held his cut hand to his chest and laid his head back, trying to get hold of himself. He couldn't think about Daneel right now. His phone dinged. This time it was a text. He opened his inbox apprehensively.  
It read: "I've known for a very long time that you loved Jared. You look at him the same way you look at me. I kind of always assumed you were with him secretly. If you really want out, then that's your choice. But it's your choice. Not mine." Jensen locked his phone, the screen going black. He did love Daneel, but he couldn't imagine staying with her after this. He wasn't completely sure if he wanted to. He heard a knock on the door. Why is it really this hard to get a minute alone. Before he said anything, the door opened and Jared was inside. He looked at Jensen clutching his bloodied hand to his chest. Then his eyes moved up to the shattered mirror, and broken furniture. Jared felt a lump in his throat. He felt guilty. He knew that he was the cause of this. "I guess we need to talk" It was a dumb thing to say.  
"umm.. about what?" Jensen hissed hatefully. Jared knew it wasn't possible for Jensen to have slipped any more sarcasm into that question than what he did.  
"I know that was dumb. Look, it's not what it looks like Jen." Jared said.  
"What's it look like, Jared! That you're an asshole? That you don't give a fuck about me? Or, that I'm a one-night stand? That I'm immature, and broken, and a cheater? What does this look like to you? Tell me Jared because I have no goddamned idea!" Jensen was done. He had nothing else to say.  
"No, Jensen none of that. Well... except for me being an asshole part."  
"Look, last night meant more to me than you could ever imagine. You have no idea how long I've wished we could've ended up together. But it's too late now." Jared was still searching for words.  
"Oh, really? Is that why you couldn't look at me afterwards? Or you couldn't even share the same bed, which we've done since we met?" Jensen fought back.  
"If I had looked at you, I would've wanted to kiss you. I would've wanted to take you to my bed and do the same thing over and over again. And every night after that, that I would've laid in that bed, whether it be with Gen or alone, I would be wishing you were the one beside me." Jared paused. "You were all that I ever wanted, and I've ignored those feelings for so long that now I just can't feel them. I can't let myself fall for you Jensen. If I did, it would kill me." Jared didn't know what else to say. Jensen was contemplating, assuming it was Jared's smooth talking side, trying to get out of a guilty conscience.  
"What do you mean, you've been ignoring your feelings for so long?" Jensen just remembered that part. Jared hesitated.  
"You probably don't remember, but there was a night... right after Sandy broke up with me, that we were drinking."  
"Yeah, I remember" Jensen didn't know what to think.  
"Well that night, I thought I saw something in your eyes, like that you wanted to be with me. You were telling me that I was amazing, and sweet, and that no one wouldn't want to be with me. Well, I thought that meant that you did. And then I asked you to move in." Jared paused.  
"And I said yes." Jensen reminded him.  
"Yeah, but then when I got in bed, I took a risk. I crawled under your covers and laid against you to see what you would do." Jared told him.  
"And?" Jensen asked.  
"You rolled over and grabbed me. You put both of your arms around me, like I was your saving grace. You were more relaxed than I'd ever seen. You were sleeping with a smile on you face, your head on my chest, holding on with all your might." Jared continued.  
"And you didn't think that was a sign?" Jensen said defensively.  
"But then, you woke up. You screamed 'holy hell' and threw yourself in the floor. You didn't get back into bed, and you didn't speak to me the next day." Jared's story was over. His head was down, and he was fidgeting.  
Jensen was speechless. He knew exactly what Jared had been talking about.  
"I've thought about that night almost every day since. And I used it for my reason, it was why I couldn't let myself love you." Jared told him.  
"But I remember. I thought that I had cuddled you in my sleep, and you weren't aware. I thought you were going to wake up and kick my ass. I thought I would lose you." Jensen was clarifying the night from so long ago. "Man, I was so scared I'd ruin our friendship. There wasn't anything that I'd ever wanted more in my life, than to go to bed to you. And, be able to hold you the way that I wanted. And, to kiss you when you give me that starry eyed 'Jared' look. You have no idea how much restraint I've had to use, just to keep my hands off of you." Jensen admitted.  
Jensen thought about all the time they'd lost. If they had just got their shit together that night then...  
"We could've been together" Jared interrupted. It was saddest thing Jensen had ever heard. "If we had just talked, we could've been together. We would still be together."  
"Why can't we now? Why is it too late?" Jensen was begging for an answer.  
"It just is. I already love Genevieve. I love my boys. I can't leave them. They love their uncle Jensen, you can't become their Daddy Jensen. I don't just 'love' Gen, I'm in love with her. I really am happy, Jensen. What we have...had, is always going to be my biggest 'what if,' but that's it." Jared said it, and it felt like a shotgun to the heart.  
"You're the love of my life, Jared." Jensen told him, in a very small voice. Jared looked at him, knelled down and put his lips to Jensen's forehead. Jensen closed his eyes trying to hold the tears in.  
"Maybe, Jensen. We all have a love that doesn't go away. We all have one person that gets inside of us like no one else ever will." He paused and stood. "But, then we have the love that works. The one that lasts." Jared grabbed a clean towel from the basket and held it around Jensen's hand. "Trust me. I had to get through it. You will too. And I'll help you, you're my best friend. I'm not going anywhere." Jared told him.  
"You should know, I'm leaving Daneel... It's not because of you. I'm just not happy, I need to move forward." Jensen told him.  
"I'm so sorry." Jared looked back at Jensen's hand. "Let's go get this taken care of." He helped Jensen up.  
"What about this mess?" Jensen looked at Jared, concerned. "This can't get out to people."  
Jared held up a finger, telling him to hold on. He got out a credit card and left it with a note. 'Here is so much money, that you should be speechless... This was one hell of a fan party room in here, not a dressing room. They left it taped to the edge of the broken mirror, and walked out the door. 

\--------------------------********************************************************************-------------------------------

Jensen walked down his gravel driveway to his mailbox. It was his first day home for hiatus since they had just finished filming season 11, he knew it'd be full. Jensen hadn't heard a whole lot from Jared, but he knew he'd been busy. He had kept his word though. They still had their guys nights every now and again. Just, now days they consisted of a little less drinking and a lot more people. When he sees Jared now, he doesn't feel the knife in his heart, like he use to. He just feels like he's seeing his best friend. The way it should be. Jared had made it clear that they were still friends, and Jensen thought they probably always would be. He pulls the door down of the little tin box, and it takes four handfuls before all the envelopes are out. The one on top he goes ahead and opens. Its stating his divorce is final, and has all of the legal documentation. He and Daneel, although divorced, are getting along better than ever. She stays every now and then, so baby JJ gets some family time as opposed to mommy vs daddy time. They still do their vacations together, and he gets to see or stay the night with his daughter any time that he chooses. He's glad it's often and things are peaceful. He feels more content with his life than he's ever dreamed of being. He makes his way back to the house. He opens the front door and sets the mail on the end table in the foyer. He takes his shoes off, setting them beside the large antique area rug, and makes his way to the kitchen. The smell of onions is filling the room. He sees the garlic, green pepper, and hamburger sitting on the counter, waiting to be added to the skillet. He walks up behind Misha and puts his arms around the man's waist. He lets his chin rest on his boyfriends shoulder, while he's looking into the skillet. He's home. He's safe, and he's comfortable, dare say, even happy. He never would've dreamed his life would work out like this. Although, he'd spent years loving Jared, he knew now that his best friend had been right. Now, he knew, that may have been love but this, this was the kind of love that worked. This would last.


End file.
